


between the seasons

by showho



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Heartbreak, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, hyunwoo is kind of . mean in this im so sorry :-(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 05:56:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14442825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/showho/pseuds/showho
Summary: love isn't an easy path. hoseok learns that the hard way.





	between the seasons

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!!! :D !!!!
> 
> i stress wrote this bc of exams so there will b mistakes :( im sorry !!! i'll do my best to proof-read it and clear mistakes but if there's any i missed that's my bad !!!

Hoseok has friends. There's Jooheon, with dimples so deep you could create a small pool if you poured enough water into them and a mouth so clever it got him into more trouble than it was worth. There's Hyungwon, tall and lanky for a ten year old with advice that seemed to exist beyond his years. There's also Minhyuk, perceptive, witty and overflowing with so much positive energy it was difficult not to smile as soon as he latched onto your arm with a plan to drop beetles onto Ms. Kim's desk from the ceiling. But the thing with Hoseok's friends is that they all lived far, far away from where he did. They had time to meet up at school and on the weekends, but Hoseok can't ever help that pout on his lips when it's time to go home and they all take the same bus heading east and he's left to walk the lonely road. 

Hoseok has friends, but he does wish they all lived closer to his neighbourhood. 

When he trudges home on Friday, he's surprised to see a moving truck parked next to his house. There's men moving boxes back and forth while a thin, tired looking woman oversees the process, occasionally guiding the men with instructions. Hoseok decides she can be trusted, because as tired as she looks she radiates the same kind of warmth his mother does. He strays a little farther from home, edging closer to the newcomers until he stumbles and pudgy hands reach out to kiss concrete, scraping soft skin and bringing tears to his eyes. The woman must have seen him fall because she's at his side in a second, gently pulling him up and onto her lap. 

Hoseok can't help it, but he starts crying.

"Oh, are you okay? What happened, did you fall?" Her voice is soft, sweet like honey and vanilla and Hoseok sadly nods, staring down at his hands and their scrapes. She takes his hands very carefully in hers and inspects it before frowning. "Let's get you inside and I'll have Hyunwoo look at it, okay?" 

Hoseok nods, even though he has no idea who Hyunwoo is. He's twelve though, and his mother said twelve year olds were very smart, so he knows he'll figure it out. The kind woman leads him into her home and tells him to take a seat before she disappears to the stairway, calling up with a clear voice. "Hyunwoo, can you help treat our neighbour for scraped hands? He fell earlier." 

He cranes his neck to see who Hyunwoo is, and can't help the breath of air that gets caught in his throat. Hyunwoo is very handsome, he thinks. He's tall, taller than Hyungwon (and that was incredible because Hyungwon was the tallest person he knew) and carried himself like he was older. He comes down with a first aid kit and trips over the last step, frowning at himself before making his way to Hoseok. He looks like his mother, he thinks, he looks warm. 

"Can I see your hands?" He asks and Hoseok is embarrassed by how quick he throws them out. "Oh, this looks bad. How did you hurt yourself?"

His words are so, so soft and Hoseok thinks this is what love is. He might be twelve, but his mother said twelve year olds were smart, and Hoseok liked to believe he was smarter than most. "I fell. I wanted to see who was moving in and fell over. I'm Hoseok, by the way! I'm your neighbour!"

Hyunwoo smiles kindly as he opens the first aid kit and gets out some disinfectant. He holds Hoseok’s hand in his (and his hand looks so small compared to Hyunwoo’s; chubby, round and scraped) and says, “this’ll sting a little,” before spritzing the disinfectant onto a cotton ball and gently patting it over Hoseok’s skin. “Are you doing okay?” Hyunwoo asks and Hoseok nods.

Hoseok kicks his legs out quietly as Hyunwoo cleans his hands and wraps clean gauze over them. He pats Hoseok’s hands when he’s finished and stands up, motioning for the younger to follow him to the kitchen. “I can get you some cookies, but you can’t tell my mom, okay? I’m not supposed to eat snacks since it’s almost dinner time.”

He nods earnestly, climbing onto the tall chair before the island as Hyunwoo pulls out a box of cookies, sliding them over to Hoseok. “How old are you?” Hoseok asks as he takes a bite bigger than he can handle. Hyunwoo slides over a glass of milk that he didn’t see him pour.

“I’m fourteen, turning fifteen in a month.” 

“So I’m two years younger than you!” Hoseok exclaims, legs kicking up a little too enthusiastically that Hyunwoo has to hold his chair steady. He laughs, kind and warm and if Hoseok had to give laughter scents, Hyunwoo’s laugh would be like honey and cinnamon.

“Three, actually. I’m closer to fifteen than I am to fourteen.” He pats Hoseok’s head and tells him, “nice try, though,” before keeping his hands occupied with fixing up the kitchen.

“Are you gonna go to school here?” Hoseok sips the milk. It’s cold and sweet.

“Yeah, I got into the high school nearby.” Hyunwoo puts away a stack of plates before reaching over for the plastic cups. “What about you? You’re twelve, right? Middle school?”

“Yup! It’s nice! Except it’s really far and all of my friends live in the opposite direction so going home and going to school is kind of lonely.” He pouts at his cookies, seeking comfort in the chocolate and flour. “Why’d you move here?”

Hyunwoo’s grip falters on the plastic cup and it drops to the floor with a clatter. His shoulders tighten and Hoseok has a feeling he asked something he shouldn’t have. It takes Hyunwoo only a second to gather his composure, reaching for the cup and rinsing it quickly under water. “Family reasons. Want me to walk you home?”

Hoseok frowns. He’s old enough to know Hyunwoo changed the subject but immature enough to want to press the matter further. “I live right next door, you know. I can go by myself. Is it just you and your mom?”

“Yeah. It’s just me and my mom. Finish your cookies and I’ll walk you home, okay? I should introduce myself to your family.” He has his back to Hoseok, silhouette golden under the setting sun and Hoseok forces himself to eat a little slower. He likes Hyunwoo, likes how kind he is to a stranger younger than him by three years. 

They settle into a quiet silence held down with the awkwardness of strangers on their way to friends. Hyunwoo keeps himself busy with utensils, washing chopsticks and plates before putting them away. Hoseok eats the same cookie he was given at a slower pace, but it doesn’t last long and it’s inevitable when he finds himself licking his fingers free of crumbs. “I finished my cookie and my milk.” He says quietly. Hyunwoo turns around, dries his hands on the towel hanging on a hook by the window and gives him a smile.

“Let’s go, I’ll say hi to your parents.”

Hoseok gets dropped off at his house, his mother’s steady hand on his shoulder as she tells Hyunwoo to come by should he or his mother need anything. Hyunwoo, the picture of good manners, smiles and nods and hands over a saran-wrapped plate of cookies. Hoseok recognizes them as the cookie he had a while earlier. When he’s ushered back into his own house and Hyunwoo has disappeared to help his mother, Hoseok frowns at the plate of cookies until his mother asks what’s wrong.

“Hyunwoo is nice.” Hoseok says and his mother nods, ruffles his hair just because she can and tells him to go shower. 

Before Hoseok tucks himself into bed later that night, he sits by his window and peers to the house right next door. He’s startled when the light turns on and illuminates Hyunwoo’s figure, lanky and golden under the fluorescent lighting. He watches as Hyunwoo shuffles around his room and feels overwhelmingly shy, dropping his head to his desk until a thunk on his window pulls his attention back up. Hyunwoo had opened his window sometime after Hoseok hid his face into his desk and had an eraser in his hand, poised to throw until he catches Hoseok’s eyes.

Hoseok shyly waves and Hyunwoo returns it with a smile before putting a piece of paper against the window. He squints to make out what the paper says before laughing to himself. 

_ Did your mom like the cookies? _

Hoseok doesn’t have any paper with him. They’re all downstairs hidden in a printer. He nods vigorously instead, miming his mother biting into a cookie and throwing his arms out. It seems to make Hyunwoo laugh, nothing extravagant, just something hidden behind his hands. Hyunwoo scrawls something onto the back of the paper before pressing it against the window. The scrawl is darker and bolder, like Hyunwoo took the time to go over it. 

_ Good night, thanks for tripping into my life. _

Hoseok pouts, remembers the bandage around his hand that his mother briefly questioned. He raises said hand to the window, pointing at it with a big smile. Hyunwoo seems to get it, because he waves goodbye and switches the light off before drawing his curtains. 

When Hoseok tucks himself in for bed, his heart feels giddy and light because of a tall, lanky boy three years older than him.

 

 

Hoseok is sixteen when he experiences his first heartbreak. 

Since Hyunwoo moved into his neighbourhood and Hoseok quite literally tripped into his life, they had been inseparable. Hyunwoo and Hoseok’s mother even became good friends, crediting their friendship to the two boys. Hoseok had childishly dreamed of going to the same college as Hyunwoo, of being able to see the older boy at his own graduation. He dreamed of one day being able to tell Hyunwoo of his feelings, preferably under falling cherry blossoms that would help highlight the rosy cheeks of love.

But the thing with his dreams were that they were childish in nature, and childish dreams never came true.

Hoseok bursts into Hyunwoo’s room, tired after hours and hours of classes with his bag slinging over one shoulder and walks right into Hyunwoo pressing kisses to another boy’s neck. The pair break apart, breathless and eyes shining and Hoseok feels pain like he had never felt before.

“Hoseok, do you mind?” Hyunwoo says quietly, and Hoseok recognizes the tone as the one he used on Hoseok whenever he was misbehaving.

(But Hoseok only misbehaved when he was younger, with rounder eyes and softer cheeks)

“Right, sorry, I thought - I texted you,” he pauses, takes in the person who has Hyunwoo so captivated. He’s shorter than Hoseok is, but his eyes are sharp and framed by soft orange hair and his lips are curved down in annoyance. Hoseok knows he’s not welcome here. “I’m sorry, I’ll just, I’ll go now.” He turns and pulls the door shut behind him, hand resting on the doorknob as his lungs scrape his throat for air. Behind him, he can hear soft murmuring.

(“Who was that?” says an unrecognizable voice.

“Just a friend,” silence slips between them, “pay him no mind. He’s just a kid.”

“Seems like he was bothered by me being here.”

“He just wants attention.” There’s a rustle of bedsheets, the creak of a bed. “Just focus on me, Kihyun, he’s not important right now.”)

If tears blur Hoseok’s vision, he pays them no mind when he quietly leaves. If tears blur Hoseok’s vision, he pays them no mind when he tells his mom he’s going to study for a bit and wants to be left alone. If tears blur Hoseok’s vision, he lets them fall and dampen his pillowcase. 

His dreams were childish anyways.

 

When Hoseok is seventeen, Hyunwoo disappears from their small town in the countryside.  He doesn't tell anyone. Not Kihyun, who used to hide the hickeys Hyunwoo left behind on his body with concealer stolen from his sister. Not his mother, who would scold Hyunwoo for coming home late, wasted and rebellious. Not Hoseok, who spent five years of his life crushing on his best friend who only saw him as a kid.

Hyunwoo disappears from Hoseok’s life as fast as he appeared into it, and Hoseok is bitter.

As soon as he finishes high school, Hoseok packs up and tells his mother he’s going to Seoul. She kisses him goodbye, gives him an envelope of money to keep himself safe and warm and sends him off. He passes by Hyunwoo’s mother, still seated at the same bus stop Hyunwoo used to run away.

“Are you running?” She asks as soon as Hoseok sits down.

“No. I told everyone I was leaving - everyone who’s here to hear me say it.”

“Good. It’s better than what Hyunwoo did. Gone in the middle of the night, nothing but a note saying he needed a change and this town wasn’t going to give it to him.”

“Why are you waiting for him?” Hoseok asks. She turns to him, and the warmth that was so familiar to Hoseok is gone. She’s nothing but a shell now.

“I have nothing left, Hoseok. Nothing except to wait for him.”

Hoseok’s bus rolls into view and the doors pull open. He looks at Hyunwoo’s mother one more time as he steps onto the bus, tapping his card onto the reader. She looks gaunt, cold and so, so tired. When Hoseok takes a seat at the back of the bus, he watches as she keels over and a student rushes to her side. He sits back, staring straight ahead as tears well up and a familiar, choking feeling delicately closes over his throat.

He thinks she deserves better than a son who quietly breaks hearts.

 

 

Hoseok stays with Hyungwon when he arrives in Seoul. Hyungwon has made a name for himself, using his height and his beauty to pose for photographers and model the latest fashion brands. Hoseok finds out that Hyungwon had started dating Minhyuk when the latter impulsively asked him out on a ferris wheel. His shoulders feel lighter knowing Seoul wasn’t so lonely.

He finds out Jooheon is in Gwangju with a boy named Changkyun and they’re both attempting a break into the rap scene. He watches a few clips, listens to a few mixtapes, and maybe he’s biased because even when Jooheon is donning a fiercer look of dyed, white hair and all black outfits, he thinks the younger is cute. He tells Hyungwon he’s glad Jooheon found a passion, and Hyungwon laughs.

“He loves it a little too much, maybe.”

Hoseok smiles into his cereal, because the sun is rising and he’s sitting in a decent apartment with name brand milk on his lips and he has familiar friends by his side.

 

It’s late at night and Hoseok is in a club surrounded by nameless people. Hyungwon and Minhyuk had drifted off to the dance floor at one point but if Hoseok searches the crowd he can’t catch the pink of Hyungwon’s hair or the blond of Minhyuk’s. He sips at his water (because even if he was several years past legal, alcohol never appealed to him) and looks at his thighs in jeans that are tight and ripped in every space possible. The couch he’s hiding out on suddenly dips and a muscular arm rests on his shoulders. Hoseok stiffens and ducks out of the way, standing up to make for the bathroom. A hand closes around his wrist and yanks him backwards and Hoseok stares up into the vacant eyes of Son Hyunwoo.

“What are you doing in Seoul, Hoseok?” Hyunwoo asks him, words taking on that familiar, protective tone as he leans into his space. Hoseok puts his hands against Hyunwoo’s chest and pushes him back, glaring at the older male. He was no longer welcome in Hoseok’s heart, not after he had so carelessly broken it.

“Go away, Hyunwoo. You’ve never hesitated at running away before.” Hoseok makes a bolt for the bathroom, but Hyunwoo has always been faster. 

“Don’t go, let’s talk.” Hyunwoo tells him (pleads with him) and Hoseok hates that he goes so willingly. He’s always been too soft with him.

Hyunwoo takes him to an area cordoned off with a sign and a velvet rope. It looks expensive, oddly so considering the status of the club, but Hoseok stops complaining when Hyunwoo guides him to a closed off booth. Hoseok takes a seat as far away from Hyunwoo as possible, trying his best to look cold. Hyunwoo sits opposite of him, his figure shadowed by the overhead lights. He still looks beautiful, Hoseok thinks, broad and golden even under the harsh lighting. “What are you doing here?” Hyunwoo asks, and his voice is so quiet and rough and Hoseok steadily ignores the skip of his heart. Hyunwoo might have been his first love, but Hyungwon warned Hoseok that first loves always hurt.

“I live here.” Hoseok tells him, leaves it at that because Hyunwoo does not deserve more.

“What happened to taking over your mom’s restaurant?”

“I just wanted something more.”

“I see.”

They sit in silence, and Hoseok sneaks a look. Hyunwoo is wearing a leather jacket over a grey shirt even though it’s early fall and the temperatures are still warm. His hair is styled back and he looks tired. Hyunwoo looks so different from the boy Hoseok knew. He notes that his eyes still look familiar, even when framed by light makeup.

“I’m sorry, Hoseok,” Hyunwoo suddenly tells him. “I didn’t mean to run.”

_ I didn’t mean to run _ . Was the apology supposed to cover the broken hearts he left behind? Was it supposed to account for Hyunwoo’s mother keeling over in exhaustion, tired and hurt from waiting for her son? Was it supposed to heal Kihyun, who denied ever being in love with Hyunwoo just because it was easier than accepting he had been toyed with? Was it supposed to fill in the cracks and the gaps left behind in Hoseok’s heart by Hyunwoo’s absence?

He stares at Hyunwoo, eyes wide and brimming with tears before he stands up, chair scraping the floor with a jarring screech. “You’re  _ sorry?”  _ Hoseok demands, and Hyunwoo looks up from his hands. “You’re  _ sorry? _ You left us all in the dirt seven years ago! You left and you didn’t say  _ anything!  _ You told your mom some shitty goodbye on a post it note and that was all the closure she had!” Hoseok steps around the table, stands right in front of Hyunwoo and he is seething. Hyunwoo keeps eye contact, his expression eerily calm and it sets Hoseok off even more. “How can you even look at me like that! Like you don’t even care that you broke my heart, or that you broke Kihyun’s, or that you broke your mom’s! You’re so selfish and awful and I hate that after seven years, all you have to fucking say is that you’re sorry. Do you even know what you’re sorry for or are you just saying it because it’s the right thing to do?”

“You have no idea why I did what I did,” Hyunwoo has several inches on Hoseok when he stands up, looking down at him like Hoseok was wrong to be angry. “I said I was sorry, what more do you want from me?”

Hoseok scoffs. He pushes Hyunwoo and feels so annoyed that the latter doesn’t even budge. “What more do I want? Maybe the five years of my life that I wasted being in love with you. Maybe for your mom to be healthy and happy again, since you took that away too! Fuck you, Hyunwoo. You don’t even know what you’re sorry for.” He turns on his heel and pulls the door open so hard he feels something in his arm twinge. He slams it just as hard too, the sound bouncing off the walls as he makes for the exit. He texts Hyungwon and tells him he’s going to take a taxi home, hands shaking with anger. 

When Hoseok tucks himself into bed, he feels like he’s drowning.

  
  


Fate must have a funny way of bringing two people together. Three weeks later finds Hoseok curled into the corner of a cafe, tapping away on his laptop as he races to finish a report for the finance department. The chair in front of him is suddenly occupied and Hoseok glances up, freezing when Hyunwoo meets his eyes.

“Hey,” Hyunwoo says and Hoseok throws a napkin at him.

“Go away, I’m busy.”

“I want to apologize for real this time.” 

Hoseok sucks in a breath and throws another napkin at Hyunwoo.

“Save it, I don’t want to hear your half assed apology.”

“Hoseok, please.”

And maybe it’s the way Hyunwoo’s voice breaks as he pleads with Hoseok, the way he takes the napkins to the face or the way his hands fidget in that familiar way that tells him Hyunwoo was genuine. He lowers his laptop lid, keeps his expression detached and neutral and nods for Hyunwoo to speak.

“I’m sorry I ran. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you or my mom, and I’m sorry that I hurt Kihyun by leading him on. You were right, Hoseok. What I did was selfish. I ran because I was scared I was spiraling, that I was becoming like my dad, and I thought that if I hurt everyone enough and kept them distant from me it would make me feel more in control.”

“Did it?”

“No, it didn’t. I felt like a stranger in my own body.”

Hoseok wants to tell him ‘good’, that he deserves it, but his heart is too soft and seeing Hyunwoo like this hurts him more than he would like to admit. Hyunwoo starts fidgeting with his hands again.

“I know you probably don’t want to forgive me but,” he pauses to gage Hoseok’s expression, “could we… Try again? Be friends again?”

Hoseok stares at Hyunwoo. Scrutinizes the other male. He sees Hyunwoo, exposed like a live wire with his heart on the line. This was the Hyunwoo he remembered. “Only if you promise to stay and to talk to me when things are bad for you.”

Hyunwoo nods just as winter sunlight spills over from the sidewalk onto the table.  
  
  
  


Seasons are special for Hoseok. He met Hyunwoo in summer, associating sweltering heat and golden hour with the bright and youthful smile of two boys from a different time. Spring is heartbreak and tears, of leaving his mother behind in a forgotten, small town and of Hyunwoo. Fall was Hyungwon and Minhyuk and always, always the thoughts of Hyunwoo. 

Winter was Hyunwoo confessing to Hoseok under mistletoe, and it wasn’t cherry blossoms but it was enough. Winter was Hyunwoo going back to their small town in the middle of nowhere and apologizing to his mother, who kisses the top of his head and tells him she’s glad he found the right path again. Winter was holding hands at Hyungwon and Minhyuk’s annual New Years party and introducing him to Jooheon and Changkyun. 

And the deeper winter, late at night when the city was only the two of them, was Hyunwoo’s warm body against his, his kisses feather light on his lips as he held on the headboard and thrust slowly into Hoseok. It was Hyunwoo pressing him down into the mattress, murmuring apologies and confessions of love against sweat slick skin and swallowing up Hoseok’s moans. IT was Hyunwoo, always Hyunwoo, of being cuddled up against each other and exchanging stories until Hoseok fell asleep against the other’s too warm body.

Seasons are special for Hoseok, because Hyunwoo was part of all of them.  
  
  
  


“Hyunwoo! Where’s the keys?” Hoseok pokes his head into their bedroom, unable to help the fond smile as Hyunwoo’s head peeked out from underneath the blanket. His hair was a mess, eyes still blinking away sleep as he lifted his head from the pillow. 

“Aren’t they in the bowl by the door?”

“No, I checked already,” Hoseok pads over to where Hyunwoo is, sitting on the side of the bed and running his fingers through the other’s hair in a pitiful attempt to fix it. “I’m gonna be late for work if I can’t find them in three minutes.”

Hyunwoo wraps his arms around Hoseok’s middle, pulling him close. “Then be late. You’re the manager anyways, what are they gonna say?”

Hoseok laughs, loud and crystal clear as he rolls to lie on top of Hyunwoo. He smiles at him before pressing a quick kiss to the older man’s lips. “ _ They _ don’t have to say anything, I have to be the one to explain myself.”

Hyunwoo rolls his eyes and pulls the cover over the both of them, holding Hoseok close to his chest. “Just stay here with me for a few more minutes. I’ll tell you where I hid the key later.” Hoseok gasps, hitting his chest lightly. 

“You hid the key?”

“Only because I wanted to spend more time with you,” Hyunwoo holds Hoseok’s lips shut with two fingers, smiling when the younger attempts to bite him. “Now be quiet and enjoy these five minutes with me. I’ll give you the key after, I promise.”

Hoseok bats Hyunwoo’s hand away before snuggling further into his chest. 

Hoseok has friends. There’s Jooheon, so talented with his words and powerful with a beat. There’s Hyungwon, tall and beautiful and wise beyond his years but a blushing school girl whenever Minhyuk smiles. There’s Minhyuk, effortlessly brightening up rooms and atmospheres with his laugh alone. There’s Changkyun, and Hoseok still doesn’t know him very well but he knows that Changkyun is more than capable of holding his own against a group of people all older than him. There’s even Kihyun, who’s heart had softened in the time he and Hoseok hadn’t seen each other.

Then there’s Hyunwoo, who taught Hoseok every definition of love.

**Author's Note:**

> and that was it !!!!! this was probably the most i've written in a few hours kHGKJS but honestly i've had this sitting in my drafts for a while D: !!!! anyways!!!! comments nd kudos would b so nice but dont feel obliged!!! i hope u enjoyed this :D!!!!
> 
> [tumblr](http://hyunwoo.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/hvungnu)


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